What Ruffles Your Feathers?

What ruffles your feathers – those irritating and annoying things that others do, of course – that somehow seems to trigger us?

In my family, my softly spoken, kind, and caring father morphed into a raging rhino when a pedestrian for whom he had stopped did not:

a) turn towards his vehicle and gesture a ‘Thank You’

b) did not walk across the zebra crossing with a sense of speed.  

Then Dad would revert to his mother tongue and mutter, “Het jou Ma jou nie maniere geleer nie? Tel op jou voete, jong! Roer jou gxt!”

My mother was a peace loving phlegmatic who craved order and harmony in our childhood home. Dealing with any last minute rushes or issues that usually surfaced just before my twin-sister and I were about to leave for school ruffled her feathers big time! She would usually be willing to help out with virtually anything, provided you gave her sufficient prior warning. If you didn’t, you knew you were going to need to come up with an alternative plan – of your own! 

Do my feathers get ruffled? They most definitely do! I dislike it when someone talks with food in their mouth. Admittedly, its sweet watching a bushy tailed squirrel fill its cheeks with acorns ahead of winter, but it’s not nearly as endearing when it’s an adult human! The habit of storing food in a cheek just before answering makes me uncomfortable to the point of wanting to get up from the table and run outside and yell, ‘Help!” (I’m secretly afraid that if you cough or choke, it’s going to land all over me!) I’m way too polite so, instead, I stay seated and pretend it’s not happening. Gulp! Gosh! How long have I been storing-up this issue between my cheeks? In turn, I’ll try to be more mindful about not asking a question as you are about to take your next mouthful.

We all know that person, the one who believes that standing in queues is only ever for others. (I’m not referring to the elderly, the sick, the pregnant or the disabled here). You may think that it’s great not to stand and wait for your turn, that sashaying straight to the front is fine, that others are too compliant, that queues are for those who have the time and don’t mind waiting (of course, you don’t – drum roll – neither do the rest of us), but the unspoken message that you are giving to the people already in the queue, is that you regard yourself as more important than others. The next time you are tempted to pull your ‘jump-the-queue’ move, please go ahead and jump, but this time jump aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the way to the back – that’s where everyone else starts out. No magic. Just manners, and respect.

Radio talk shows usually make me cringe BIG TIME, but I think it’s probably that I can’t handle the unfiltered, unwise, and especially ignorant and racist comments that some callers somehow think is okay to make. Writing about it even makes me feel uncomfortable. Actually, angry. Angry Angry. I usually get so upset or embarrassed that my left hand instinctively turns off the car radio. Silence is better than the unbearable squirm factor that registers red alert on my inequality barometer. I abhor injustice! God created us all in His image. 

Hypocrisy ruffles my justice loving husband’s feathers – he despises it in any form or function. If anything is going to make his blood boil, it’s got something to do with the H word. However, he’ll also be the first to admit that, as with most others, he too is sometimes guilty of having a standard for self and another for others.

And if reading about ruffled feathers is ruffling your feathers, I do sincerely apologise. 

Let’s make sure we are teaching and modelling respect for ourselves and others in our homes, our offices, and our communities. And yes, it does start with me…

Dear God,

Please help me to respect myself enough to respect others. Help me to remember that a soft and gentle word can penetrate even the most hardened of hearts. Help me to identity my triggers and let go of the trivial. Let come the transformation. May my words and actions be aligned. In private spaces and in public places. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, even when I miss the mark. Thank you that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ, and that I remain fully righteous, not because of me, but because of what Christ has done for me. This is something I need to hear. Often. Always. With humility, and joy.

Amen

What ruffles your feathers? 

Could we be more mindful of ourselves and others?

How do you deal with yourself when you fall short (and do “what I do not want to do”)?