Freedom from guilt

Not so long ago, I was sitting in the kitchen with my husband, and for some reason, each time he said something, I found myself feeling irritable and replying with monosyllables (curtness and brevity is so not me!) Plus, each yes and no I said had a distinctive sharp edge to it! I may have been guilty of spewing a few provocative comments his way too, but peace loving Claude didn’t take the bait. However, the rest of the meal preparation was completed in silence. I shall rather not know the thoughts he might have been thinking!

Later during supper, being the wise and wonderful man that my husband is, he asked, “Mrs (one of several endearing names he has for me) is there anything that that has upset you today ? (Brave man, if ever there is one. Loving. Long suffering, too!)

Have you ever had one of those days, where your spouse has to ask you a question like that? Well, that was definitely one of those days for me, but let me just put in writing that I am usually really REALLY good company, so what happed that day was out of character. Of course, like most other married couples, Claude and I do have the occasional disagreement. We score as opposites on any personality chart, which does make doing life together interesting, but we complement each other well, on most other days! After thirty-nine years of marriage, we are both still learning and growing. We thank Jesus for His abundance of grace and the gift of no condemnation for when we do still get it wrong. 

Claude’s question – “Mrs, is there anything in particular that has upset you – made me think about the reason for my irritability. Was it fatigue? I thought about whether I had a good sleep the night before. I had slept well. Was it hunger? I’m known to get ‘hangry’ if my sugar levels dip too low. I’d eaten a substantial lunch.  

Then I remembered. Earlier in the day I had a challenging conversation with a family member. It wasn’t anything serious, but afterwards I had been questioning the tone of my voice and even the choice of my words. I hadn’t said anything provocative, but still, I had started judging myself, thinking, “Maybe I should have just listened. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said this or that. This person is a precious loved one after all. Why do I keep giving unsolicited advice?”

These were the thoughts that were whirling around in my head. I was justifying my actions and my words in my mind, but at the same time, I was also beginning to feel guilty. Then, later in the day, when I was on a phone call I found myself needing to enforce, and later reinforce, a boundary with somebody who was threatening to take advantage of my work from home status and writing schedule. As I ended the call, I thought to myself, “Was I too hard? Was I too rigid?”

It was directly after dealing with this ‘boundary bully’ caller that I walked into the kitchen to keep Claude company, like I always do, while he cooks the supper and you already know what followed.  He wasn’t the family member with whom I had the conversation earlier in the day, and he wasn’t the person showing me disrespect on the phone. Claude was lovingly standing cooking the supper. He’d even poured me a glass of wine. I mean, come on, what’s my problem? Could I have it any better?

I realised then that I was irritable because I was actually feeling guilty. I didn’t necessarily do anything wrong, but I just allowed that little bit of guilt to creep into my heart and unconsciously I allowed condemnation to creep in, too.

Claude’s well timed question brought me a moment of clarity and the space in which I could expose and untangle what was actually happening in my heart. 

I’m so grateful that Claude is peace loving, perceptive and discerning and rather than taking my irritability personally, he knew that there was something bothering me. By showing me grace, my unconscious guilt was exposed and thankfully immediately dissolved.

It’s the same with our relationship with God. When we are forgiveness conscious and see our failings fully dealt with on the cross, we receive power to break out of our irritability and impatience with others (and ourselves!). But, more than that, we receive power to break free of anything else that condemns us, too.

“.. , much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.” (Romans 5:17 NKJV)

“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1 NLT)

“Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” (John 8:36 NKJV)

Dear God

Thank you that even when I make mistakes, your forgiveness and your perfect love is an unchanging constant because of Jesus’s completed work on the cross. I believe with all my heart that when You look at me, you see me clothed in His robes of righteousness, favour, and blessings. Thank you for your abundance of grace and your gift of righteousness in my life. Through Jesus, I shall reign in this life over every sin, mistake, and failure. No more guilt. No more condemnation. An abundance of grace. Only Grace. Thank you for setting me free.

Amen

What makes you feel guilty and condemned?

How do you break free from that?

How do you become righteous?