Be kind. Be kind. Be kind.

“Three things in human life matter:

The first is to be kind, the second is to be kind, and the third is to be kind.” 

(Henry James)

Last old year’s eve we visited at the home of dear friends. The setting was welcoming, with candles flickering, wine glasses filled, drawn into comfortable conversation while dusk was falling. After snacks were served, I asked my friend about her hopes and dreams for her new year. I expected that she might want to spend more hours outdoors in their exquisite expansive garden. I wouldn’t have been at all surprised if she’d expressed a desire to visit with family overseas, to read more books, to spend more time playing the piano, or just to spend more time with her husband of fifty years. Instead, she answered my question with a sweet smile and a word, one she’d clearly given thought to already. “Kindness,” she said. “I’d just like to be more kind.” 

My friend is one of the most gentle and caring women I know. She’s devoted her life, opening her home and setting a place at her table for people (including us) who feel lost, struggling, in pain. Kindness, it seems to me, is the quality that infuses and fuels everything she does. And yet, when she envisions the new year ahead, it is not more experiences or more things my friend wishes to create space for, but more kindness. I looked around at the faces of my husband and her husband enjoying a lively debate (her husband is a lawyer, so I’ll say no more!) I forget what about, but I have a clear recall of the intangible yet precious gift of being blessed with belonging, and feeling cherished, and I realised my friend’s kindness campaign was already in full flow.

In recent weeks I’ve found myself involved in a number of discussions about despair. There is the anguish of nations at war, ever present, delivered to us daily from whatever media platform we select and in whatever dose we find tolerable. There are, always, heart-wrenching realities close to home – a nephew’s new born daughter needing to regain her strength after extensive life-saving surgery, and there is still more surgery to follow, a friend’s son’s critical car accident, a loved one being sued, a friend’s family crisis. There’s also the general level of rudeness of our own everyday experiences and the challenge of how to respond in the moment to the impatient driver who is virtually sitting on your number plate, the driver who doesn’t stop at a pedestrian crossing, the youngster who barges past you on the escalator, the scholars who don’t step aside on the pavement, the person who feels entitled to jump a looooooooong queue, the flipped finger, the casually tossed F-bomb. There is the sense of changing values, the realisation that unkind language and dishonouring behaviour is now considered acceptable and is sometimes applauded, even rewarded. 

Kindness. It does sound like such a simple thing. We can’t control the hurtful actions of others or silence the voices that threaten, humiliate, insult, and shame. We can bring more kindness into our immediate world; our homes, our communities. Sometimes, that is all we can do.

Kindness is about showing up, without being asked, and doing whatever there is to be done. Kindness requires us to listen, to be present, to stretch in ways that may be uncomfortable, unfamiliar, scary, new. Kindness asks that we give of ourselves, generously, and without thought of reward or repayment. This is contrary to the world’s system of ‘me, myself, and I’. And yet, there are invisible rewards for even the simplest kind deed, be it a smile offered, a hand of help outstretched, or a word of encouragement given.

Any act of kindness strengthens our connection with the person we have touched. Being kind may not make us successful or rich or heroic, but being kind does make us a little happier and someone else’s day a little better, possibly a LOT better.

Kindness is my husband, who pauses repeatedly as we walk together to clear branches away from the path, to pick up nails from the roadside in case they cause a puncture, to encourage a small bee to safety, to greet each teller he encounters with a smile and a friendly word, to massage my neck even when he is exhausted.

Kindness is my widowed daughter gifting a domestic worker with a new roof for her water soaked house, gifting me with a pair of comfortable walking shoes (I’m still struggling with painful bursitis in my left hip), sharing her car whenever we had need thereof.

Kindness is my friend who, when she marinades venison fillets regularly shares with us. She shares her award winning wines, too. It’s also her sending a message to say, “Come and have dinner with me,” when she suspects we’ll be blessed with a healthy hearty home-cooked meal.

Kindness is the friend who offers us pretty margarita daisy bushes, a granadilla bush, and herbs for our pocket sized garden to replace the ones that didn’t survive the drought.

Kindness is my multi-talented web designer who masterfully constructed this beautiful and user-friendly ‘house’ for my Grace is Home blog and generously funds it monthly too. 

It is my friend, who invites every man she knows to call or send a note to her husband when she senses he’s in need of encouragement.

It is my neighbour who daily scatters seed or breadcrumbs for the pigeons. We are tempted to stand outside, open mouthed, on the days she scatters banana bread! 

It is the trustworthy team of Cleaning Angels who in addition to leaving our cottage sparkling clean, do random thoughtful gestures, and often place flowers or foliage in little glass bottles and vases around our home to usher mother nature’s splendour indoors. They truly are heaven sent.

Kindness has a way of replicating itself, rippling outward, gathering speed as it goes, setting more and more kindness in motion, bringing a bit more love, peace, and joy and goodness into the world. I know all this. As do you. And yet, even so, there’s a difference between being nice when it suits us and actually dedicating ourselves to kindness. It’s so tempting at times to respond to all that’s wrong in the world by allowing our hearts to harden, our kindness to dissipate, and our expectations of ourselves and others to shrink. But I’d rather go the other way. I want my heart to grow and to remain tender. I want to expect the best of others.

When fear or sadness threaten to overtake me, I want to remember that surrendering to God’s promises of love and kindness and tender mercy is the finest way forward. And when anger flares, I want to respond not with reactivity and defensiveness, but with God’s infinite love, patience and compassion.

We often think of kindness as something that we do for other people or other people do for us, but it is also vital to be able to be kind to yourself. It’s giving yourself what you need. Do you need to go to bed early because you are exhausted? Do you need to take a pile of laundry to the laundromat because you just can’t manage doing one more load of laundry AND everything else? Do you need to draw aside and spend some sacred sanctuary time with God? Go fishing? Bake a cake? Head out for a hike? Or do you need to cancel a meeting so that you can spend time with your family?

Suddenly, my own resolution list has become extra short. Surrender to God’s love. Revel and rest in it. Allow Him to pursue me with the kindness of His tender goodness and mercy. In turn, I’ll find myself being kind as He is kind. To myself and others. Let’s be kind. Kind. Kind.

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Eph 4:32 NLT

Dear God

When we realise how much you love us, fully comprehending the extent of the height and depth and length and breadth of your love, we find ourselves surrendering to it, fully fully, entering your rest as we do. Thank you for your extravagant love, unending grace and the fullness of your Shalom peace. Your love and kindness knows no end. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Amen

Think about a time when someone showed you kindness when you were least expecting (or deserving) it.

How did it make you feel?

How did you interpret the act of kindness i.e. what message did you attach to it?

What was your response?